Today, one week ago, I awoke from my surgery. I was glad to be awake…..and back in the world again. I had just had a hysterectomy. I had waited a long time to be here, on the other side of all the plans, talk, disrupted life and weariness from one continuous 8 month period. Oh the plans…..those white trousers I could now wear worry-free, the pool parties I could begin accepting invitations to once again, the weekends away with hubbie and all that goes with that…..as of today, I cannot begin to imagine what life used to be like and may be like again.
“Welcome to the hyster-sisters”, one friend wrote. To what? I had never heard of such a club – nor aspired to be one of it’s members (until a few months ago). It’s a bit like the club of ‘parethood’ – you do not realise it exists until you are an exclusive member and happy to be there.
The kids don’t quite know how to talk about it. My son (14) asked if I would now go through the menopause…..great question but how did he think to ask that…..some internet search I imagine. My daughter (16) asked what she should tell her friends as to why she was playing Florence Nightingale to her mum? “Tell them the truth”, I said, “I’m not keeping it private”. Somehow that was a bridge too far for hyper-sensitive teenager girls so she just texted “Mum can’t have any more babies”. She then turned to her brother and quipped “No more womb-mates for us”! quoting from one of her favourite Adam Sandler movies. It made me laugh, which is not a good thing – laughing and coughing are not to be encouraged in these early stages, where any slight movement from the belly-button to the knees causes a pain best to be avoided. How do women who have had a cescarian section do it – deal with this pain, discomfort, lack of movement, whilst tending to a newborn? New empathy and respect.
The narcotics are working great. The Type-A personality, not adjusting so well. How does someone who had 3 part-time jobs, two teenagers, a dog, a house to manage, two bookclubs, a social life, come to a dead stop? All this sitting down – last time I did this I was a year old and had not yet started walking. All those books bought in anticipation, the Netflicks subscribed to (for mum….yeah!), the DVD boxsets – sitting and doing nothing is not all it’s cracked up to be. How does one, who never switches off, is the chief organiser and bottle-washer, and always, always has at least two things on the go at any one time, stop and rest? This is very difficult. I have been told to take a month off work……..how do I keep occupied, rest, exercise and do NOTHING for even another week. My body is putting certain limitations on me…..my mind is in over-drive. So, I have decided to start a blog, a sharing of my experiences while ‘incarcerated’, an insight into how a Type A might sit still for an extended period. (I have started to watch Orange is the new Black! no laughing though!). The lack of ‘control’ over the small domestic stuff like the dishwasher sitting there for 12 hours without being unloaded, the clothes in the dryer being left there for 2 nights, shoes strewn all over the place (it’s the ultimate needling as I cannot bend to pick them up!). The kids and hubbie are going a fantastic job – I just have my ways of doing things, to my time schedules and my standards (could someone rub the countertop down every few hours please?) – I wonder if this will enable me to become a more relaxed person when this is all behind me? Will the kids continue their marvelous domestication now that they have been introduced to the washer, dryer, where dishes go? Will I develop a new ability NOT to see dirty dishes, clothing dropped on floors, dust……? Or will we all revert to traditional roles? We can only wait and see.